I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
