yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
