i wish my penis had a tongue
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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