i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
my liver is dry heaving
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
