Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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