No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i love accidental penises.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
party gras won. party gras always wins.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
