You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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