i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
