it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
