your thong is hanging out like whoa
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
