If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
