If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
