I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
