Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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