i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
