when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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