i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
