i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
