I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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