He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
