but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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