these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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