I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
