We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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