So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
