He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
