I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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