Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
