when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
