You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Non-Jews are for practice
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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