What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
