i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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