all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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