haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
