Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
