I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
