if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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