Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
