So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
too bad you live with your parents still
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
