And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
