now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
