He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
