I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
