Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
