I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
