You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
