whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
