I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
