Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
