Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
