theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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