I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
