I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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