How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
