I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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